LOVING WITH YOUR WORDS

EPHESIANS 4:29 SAYS “DO NOT LET ANY UNWHOLESOME TALK COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTHS, BUT ONLY WHAT IS HELPFUL FOR BUILDING OTHERS UP ACCORDING TO THEIR NEEDS.”

Are my words building? Are they building other people up according to their needs? Words can build or they can tear down. Words can build a marriage relationship or tear down a marriage relationship. Words can build a child’s self esteem or tear down a child’s self esteem. Words can build a relationship with a co-worker that you’re trying to share Christ with. Or they can tear that down. We have to stop and think: is this going to build up or is this going to tear down? Is this what the other person needs from me or is it just what I feel like giving right now?

This verse also talks about don’t let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths. When you think about unwholesome talk the first thing you might think of is swear words. And obviously words that demean another person is going to be unhelpful, it’s not going to be a healthy conversation. But that’s not all. There are words that we use that just aren’t helpful. In fact you can take almost any word and begin to use it in a conversation in a relationship as a trigger word that’s just not helpful.

A favorite word sometimes used in a conversation when it’s not going the way that you want, when it’s getting a little frustrating is the word “FINE!” You know what that’s saying. That’s saying I’m cutting off conversation. That’s it. I don’t want to hear any more. Have it your way. We all have different ways of saying things that are not helpful.

One of the ways to get past that is to begin to tell people, this is what I struggle with. There’s something about saying to other people “Here’s one of my trigger words. Here’s what I struggle with.” That helps you to start to get past it. Or at least to smile in the midst of it as it’s going on.

A HELPFUL ACROSTIC to remember BEFORE I SPEAK.

T – H – I – N – K.
T – is it TRUTHFUL? Before you say something is it truthful?
H – is it HELPFUL? Or is it going to harm?
I – is it INSPIRATIONAL? Is it going to build up or tear down?
N – is it NECESSARY? This is that thing of talking too much.
K – is it KIND? Love is kind.

So THINK. Think before you speak. Reflect before you react. There’s great power in that. Even if you don’t remember this acrostic, just trying to remember the acrostic before you say something is going to make a big difference.